I’ve been reading a lot of blogs and message boards lately, knowing that I’ll likely be returning to work after my kiddo is born. With that mindset, you pay attention to different things. I’ve noticed that there are people with pretty extreme attitudes:
- To not stay-at-home is a sin.
- To not work is unduly burdening your husband or it means you aren’t a strong woman.
- If you work outside the home, someone else is raising your children.
But, most people aren’t in those categories. Most people have one of the following viewpoints (or even more than one of these):
- We’re all “working” mothers even if we don’t get paid by a company. Mothering is W-O-R-K.
- Staying home is a privilege and a sacrifice, but so worth it.
- I enjoy my job and it makes me a better mother.
- I’d like the luxury of staying-at-home, but because of decisions previously made, I’ve chosen to work so that my kids can eat.
- Mommy wars are stupid. Does it really matter if someone else stays-at-home or works? We’re all making the best decision for our families.
Honestly? Most of the stuff above resonates with me. (But not all.) I tend to believe that most people are good-willed. Especially mothers when it comes to their children. They want the best for their children. I’m sure you can find exceptions to this general principle, but in general, I think most people want to do the best thing.
The older I get, the more clear it is to me that:
- God has different things for all of us
- Our past decisions can have really long-term impacts
- We have no idea what other people are really, truly going through
- Absolutes are absolutely dumb, most of the time
That said, I don’t want to let myself completely off the hook. For me, I don’t feel good about working full-time. That decision does not sit well with me. At all. And to be honest, if it wasn’t my sister who would be watching my kiddo, I’d be pretty darn fearful and hesitant to work even part-time. The thought of dropping my just-a-few-months-old child off at a daycare (whether a center or in-home) to be cared for sincerely scares me. Not because I don’t think those workers care (again, I’ll hope people are generally good-willed and doing their best), but because those workers don’t share my values. They don’t love my child like I do. They don’t have the time to really pay attention. They don’t see my child’s entire life like I do. When my child is 3 and hitting someone else, they’re going to say “Don’t hit”, when I want them to say “What would God say about your actions?” With my sister, the kids my child would be around are his cousins. They’re his family. And while that won’t prevent conflict and fights and tantrums, those are the same kids that will be there at birthday parties and Thanksgiving and family dinners. And while my sister isn’t me, she’s the 2nd-next-best-thing (you know, behind me and my husband).
And while I think I want to do the best thing for my family, I also know that I am selfish and my motives aren’t always as pure as I want them to be. I think American Christians have too often fallen into the materialistic viewpoint of the world. So much so that it’s hard to even tell when we have. We’ve lost simple lives. We too easily use money as a measuring stick for worth. We’re selfish people. So while I went through this whole “To Work or Not Work” question, I really had to examine my heart on what was motivating my decision because the same answer (to work) could be motivated by godliness or by selfishness. After all:
- I could choose to work to avoid the responsibilities of motherhood
- I could choose to work as a way of blessing my family
- I could choose to work as a way of interacting with non-believers
- I could choose to stay-at-home to avoid the responsibilities and frustrations of working
- I could choose to stay-at-home to be able to maximize the benefits to my family
My motivation and my heart is what could make my actions wise. If there was a commandment in the Bible that said “Women need to stay at home when they have children living at home”, that’d be one thing. But absent of a Biblical command, I have freedom to make a choice. So, I’m hoping to work part-time, so that I can still manage my household well, but also provide financial blessings to my family.
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