Part 8 (and final!) of what women should look for in a man, according the Bible’s qualities of an elder.
“An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to win or pugnacious, but gently, uncontentious, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?); and not a new convert, lest he become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he may not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil” (1 Tim. 3:2-7)
“…appoint elders in every city as I directed you, namely, if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. For the overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.” (Titus 1:5b-11)
Self-controlled – We’ve talked about not being controlled by money or alcohol, but he shouldn’t be controlled by anything other than God. He should be self-disciplined. Any man that isn’t self-disciplined has little resistance to the devil. Again, we’re not expecting perfection, but the general direction of this guy’s life should be that he doesn’t want to be dominated by material things. He’s actively striving against sin. If he’s controlled by his immediate wants and needs, there’s a problem.
Holding fast the faithful word…able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict – He should be reading God’s Word so that he can spot false teachers. So that he can lead a family (when the time comes). So that he can teach others. But make sure this man can refute those in a respectful way. You don’t want a guy that jumps up, shouts “You’re wrong sucker!” and then leaves the room. He should know the time and the place and tone in which to talk to others.
So, that’s it. Those are the qualities of an elder as laid out in 1 Timothy and Titus. If you’re a man, how well do you match up? If you’re a woman, how well does the man you’re evaluating match up? If you’re married to a man, encourage him on the things that he does right. Thank him for being self-controlled, for managing his money and time well, for teaching others, for being patient, for not being an empty talker.