They say: “Having a successful marriage is not just about finding the right person, but it’s also in being the right person.” It’s a cliche often said, but it has a ring of truth to it.
It takes two people to make a great relationship. As great as your boyfriend is (or think he will be), in order to have a mutually satisfying and happy relationship, it takes both of you.
This sounds kind of hokey, but in the early, early days of dating my husband, I thought about what kind of person I wanted to be in a dating relationship. It wasn’t about trying to change who I was. It wasn’t about thinking: “How can I pretend to be who Jeff wants me to be so that I can make sure he doesn’t dump me?” It was about thinking: “How do I want this relationship to go and how do I want to act in it?”
So, I wrote a list. Just like I had written a list of characteristics that I had wanted in a husband, I wrote a list of characteristics that I wanted to be in a girlfriend. (Later, I did the same when I became a wife.) Maybe you’ve never thought about it before, but who do you want to be as a romantic partner? Maybe you’ve been in relationships before, so you have some idea of your natural tendencies. Maybe this all is so completely new to you and you have no idea. Maybe you have some ideas. Regardless of what you’ve been like in the past, you still get a chance to do things differently than you did before. Better even.
We all know couples that have been married for 25+ years and seem to be just as in love as they ever could have been. We’ve also known couples that have been dating for just a few months and already don’t seem to like each other. If you want the end result of a great relationship full of communication and kindness and grace and forgiveness and humbleness, then start that way.
Who do you want to be? What qualities would be on your list? There are loads of good and godly qualities you could have, but focus. If you’re dating someone, what characteristics do you want to be known for? I’ve written before on how everyone needs encouragement and how you’re in an unique place to encourage your partner. But that’s not the only quality you could have on your list. Would it be:
- Kind
- Gift giver
- Patient
- Affectionate
- Honest
- Something else entirely?
Whatever you’ve determined you want to be known for, pursue it. Figure out what that practically looks like in your world. Seek advice from your mentor and friends on how to do that. Go after it!
Leave a comment