I’ve been debating the whole “Have more kids or be done with 2” issue in my head for a couple of weeks. Now that we’ve settled into a nice routine, I look around and think of how easy it would be to stop with 2. I think of the benefits of stopping at 2:
- Since they’re both boys, we wouldn’t ever need to buy girl clothes. Or toys. Or books.
- We have 3 bedrooms, so they could each have their own room. Until they go to college and have to share.
- As we started outgrowing clothes and toys, we could give those items away and reclaim some major storage space.
- There’d be reduced costs, of course. Medical expenses. Cars. College. 2013 cost us almost $11,000 with the skull surgery and Stephen’s birth. (I’m so grateful for Jeff’s HSA and the fact that he’s been saving for years (even before I was in the picture) for years like this.)
- I could go ahead and commit to a Christmas stocking design instead of piece-mealing things together until we know how large of a family we’ll have.
But I also think of the disadvantages of stopping at 2:
- The possibility of never having a daughter (I’m more than happy if God only gives us sons, but I’d be totally happy if God gave us daughter(s) too).
- Our kids wouldn’t know the love that more siblings would bring.
- I think with 2, in particular, it’s easy to compare kids. “Bob isn’t as good as Billy in basketball”. But with 3 or more, it’s easier to see that while Bob isn’t as good as Billy in basketball, he’s better than Beaufort in bowling. That makes it easier to see that we all have our talents and our struggles. It isn’t black-and-white.
- My grandkids wouldn’t have a bunch of cousins (likely). Cousins are fun!
But, at the end of the day, my biggest reason for not thinking that 2 is enough is: this is fun. Way more fun than it is hard. Maybe I haven’t hit the really hard parts yet. But even putting a kid back to bed for the 42nd time that night is fun – in a different way than a roller coaster is fun, but still fun.
We’re even enjoying the 18-month age gap. People said it’d be horrible. It isn’t! People said we were nuts. We’re not! Phinehas isn’t independent by any means. But he can walk up and down stairs on his own. He can follow simple instructions. He doesn’t always obey, but he knows that he’s supposed to. He can feed himself. He knows what it means when I say “It’s time for a diaper.” or “Where are your shoes?” I even enjoy the fact that he’s still in diapers – I think it’s potty training that looks like a lot of work!
More kids doesn’t remove the preciousness of the older kids. I still adore Phinehas as much as I ever have. In fact, it’s only deepened as I see him through the eyes of a big brother. As I think about what the future might hold for them, I’m more excited for them to have someone else to go through life with – even if they aren’t best friends. I still get to snuggle Phinehas (well, as much as he’ll let me!)
So, we still hold to the “Quivers of our choosing” philosophy that I wrote about before we had kids. We just know that we want a quiver of at least 3!