A while back, I asked several woman what their partner (boyfriend, fiance, husband) did well in asking them out. Today is part 1 of their responses:
- Asking a girl out the first time is bravery. Asking the same girl out a second time after she said no the first time is pursuing. Asking the same girl out for a third time after she said no the first and second time is stalking. Stop after #2.
- He told me clearly that he enjoyed our conversations and wanted to pursue a dating relationship with me. He asked if he could call me.
- He was very clear that he was asking me on a date.
- He asked me if we could start a relationship.
- He was really clear when asking me out that it was “on a date” and not just a random movie.
- I appreciated that he didn’t tell a friend to tell me that he was interested. He asked me himself. To do otherwise is so junior high.
Thoughts?
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“Asking a girl out the first time is bravery. Asking the same girl out a second time after she said no the first time is pursuing. Asking the same girl out for a third time after she said no the first and second time is stalking. Stop after #2.”
For the ladies out there. “No” needs to be said one of two ways.
1. I’m not interested.
2. No. Thank you though.
When a guy hears;
1. God is not leading me in that way.
2. I really, really like you, but…
It’s that much more heartbreaking. Give us a little credit. We can take hard a hard “No”. It’s the soft ones that confuse us.
“God is not leading me in that way.” becomes confusing. You may be interested, but God doesn’t want us to try it? How exactly are we supposed to take this one? It’s not that you are saying no, but that God is?
“I really, really like you, but…” most of us men hear only the first 5 words. Our hearts are beating so fast at this point that we can hear nothing else. We don’t know if you like us the first time we ask you out (unless you have baked us cookies and we have read Jayme’s previous blog on the subject). For you to say you like us throws us into a fit of confusion. She likes me? but we aren’t going to the movies (or dinner and dancing)…. right now? So I should ask again? When should I ask again? Should I wait for her to make me cookies?
I know of a couple good relationships that have started after months of pursuit. So if we don’t hear hard no’s…. we may keep coming.
Just sayin…. men like clarity. We are morons. We NEED clarity.
Thanks for listening.
Along thos line, Jose, I remember forever ago–*forever*, as in elementary/jr hs–getting “I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.” Aside from the fact that this was either a lie or happened to change in the next few days when someone else asks, it is again an answer which doesn’t say “I am not interested *in you*.” I remember specifically thinking, “Okay, I’ll come back and ask again in a month or so.” This might be pursuing by Jayme’s standards, but leaving that option open to me was unkind to my heart and a waste of my time.
So I would add, not only be clear, be _honest_.