Part 4 of what women should look for in a man, based upon the qualities of an elder.
“An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to win or pugnacious, but gently, uncontentious, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?); and not a new convert, lest he become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he may not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil” (1 Tim. 3:2-7)
“…appoint elders in every city as I directed you, namely, if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. For the overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.” (Titus 1:5b-11)
Not pugnacious/Quick-tempered – Pugnacious men are fighters. They have bad tempers. They’re irritable. They get out of control. In marriage, you will experience tense situations. The last thing you want is a man with a bad temper to deal with. That won’t solve any problems. In fact, it will only cause more. If a guy jumps to conclusions quickly or get frustrated really quickly and acts out of frustration, look out. It doesn’t mean that he can’t ever be mad – just just can’t let his anger control his behavior.
Gentle – We all want a man as gentle as a little lamb, right? Kind of. We know that men are supposed to be strong, but he should also be gentle. Strong and gentle aren’t mutually exclusive. Particularly as he deals with you. He should be kind. Gracious. Patient. Understanding. He shouldn’t condemn you. Or verbally or emotionally berate you. If he says harsh words or cuts you (or anyone else) regularly, it’ll only get worse. You’d much rather hear “Honey, I’m guessing you don’t realize how you come across when you roll your eyes, but can we talk about it?” rather than “Listen here, doofus head of a wife, you roll your eyes at me one more time and it’ll be on the street corner for you!”
Uncontentious – He needs to be peaceable. Does he always want his way or his solution? Or does he seek a solution that benefits you and your relationship? Does he fight with others often? Does he go looking for a fight? Does he know how to share? If you marry, you’ll have to share so many things and you’ll have to make so many decisions. If you never get to the pick the restaurant or the movie or spend time with your family, that’s a red flag. If he acts all huffy whenever you choose the activity and it creates an awkwardness to the whole day, that’s a red flag. Do you want to go through life with a guy whose life motto is “My way or the highway!”?