Part 3 of what women should look for in a mate.
“An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to win or pugnacious, but gently, uncontentious, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?); and not a new convert, lest he become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he may not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil” (1 Tim. 3:2-7)
“…appoint elders in every city as I directed you, namely, if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. For the overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.” (Titus 1:5b-11)
Hospitable – He needs to be a good cook and have a beautiful home, even as a single man. Just kidding! Hospitable means that he’s welcoming to others. He loves others. It’s great if he uses his home to do that, but please also recognize that most men don’t show hospitality the same way women do. Don’t hold him to the same hospitality standards that you’d hold your girlfriends to. He should be caring and serving of others. Don’t expect him to serve a roast beef dinner for 12 complete with homemade rolls, a salad made with veggies from his own garden in a dining room with curtains, candlesticks and a table runner.
Able to teach – This is the man who (if you marry) will teach your children (if you have children). He doesn’t have to have the most extensive knowledge of the Bible or the most eloquent words. In order to teach, he has to have a knowledge of Scripture, the willingness to teach and the ability to communicate in a basic way. We aren’t looking for Billy Graham, but we’re also not looking for a Scripturally-ignorant Sam. When asked what he thinks about creation, his answer should be a little more detailed than “God did some stuff.”
Not addicted to wine – An addiction to beer is okay, but wine is not! Obviously, that’s not the point of this character quality. Your boyfriend should be above reproach in his use of alcohol. Paul doesn’t say that an elder can’t drink – just that he can’t be drunk or addicted. Alcohol changes a man’s personality, so be very discerning with any man that needs alcohol to have a good time, to relax or to be themselves. If a major focus of his life is when he’ll get his next drink, walk away.
A man who probably could host a mighty fine dinner – not the standard we should hold all men to!