Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) published an article in April about what men really need from women. Boundless.org had a discussion about it.
Interesting discussion ensued on boundless. Some criticisms because this is a 40-year old single guy giving out marriage advice on what men should look for. (Wonder if he’s single because he just figured out what he should look for or maybe he just hasn’t met what he’s looking for?) But consider the advice anyway. He makes some great points. Let’s discuss.
“Some girls think being weak will attract a strong man, but it won’t. Being weak will attract a predator, which is why girls who show self-pity often get hurt in the end.”
“Guys who are weak themselves may feel secure with a weak woman, but girls, this is not the guy for you. Strength attracts strength. ”
“A guy who has a serious vision for his life and family is looking for a partner, an advisor, somebody who can work with him to do remarkable things. A bimbo isn’t going to help.”
I’ve talked about some of this before – see the post on too independent. But…strong doesn’t mean physically strong, but strong in standards. Strong in convictions. Willing to battle for what’s right. To protect her family. Women who are weak in these things would tend to attract predators. Men who are willing to exploit the weak. Men who would take advantage of those who aren’t willing to say no.
Also, weak guys would be more attracted to women who would let them be weak. They probably aren’t going to seek out a woman who would make them lead, who would require strength and standards from them. What if you’re a man who is weak, but doesn’t want to be? I’d argue that the best place to learn what that looks like and how to do that isn’t from women, but from other men.
“If a girl wants a great guy, she has to stop feeling sorry for herself. She has to do something different to attract somebody different. If you are strong and choosy, if you have a vision for your life, he will sense in you somebody to partner with so the two of you can help others (or raise a family.)”
I’ve so been there. The feeling sorry for yourself. Poor me…I don’t have someone and everyone else does. When I stopped throwing myself the pity party and started working on who I want to be, regardless of what my relationship status is, I started attracting someone different. And not just romantically – but different people in different areas of my life.
“A girl throwing her boobs all over the place may get my attention, but she’s not getting a ring.”
Hopefully that’s the case! Hopefully, it’s the case that she doesn’t get his attention for long. And that he isn’t following up with a ring. The integrity of what you’re using to attract is the integrity of the man you’ll attract. You have a great body, so what? That’s awesome. We should care for our physical selves. But if that’s your major selling point, you’ve got problems. Not just the kind of problems that come with gravity and age, but the kind of problems that come with a man who is superficial in his selection process.