I’ve already blogged about some ways that single women might be seen as too independent…here’s the rest of my initial thoughts!
Manbashing. A woman who manbashes would be another thing that would be a turn off to men – would be taken as an affront to them (as it should). Avoid comments like “Men always go after the cheerleader types.” or “Men just want sex, food, and shelter from women.” or “Men never want to communicate”. Or “Men aren’t responsible enough to be married.” Or “Men are just needed because they have the sperm that makes the babies.” Or “Can you believe so-and-so wanted to help me? Like I’d need a man to help me!” Any of that shows a disdain for men and would make it seem like that particular woman wouldn’t want a man. Expressing any viewpoint that doesn’t affirm men as being important and crucial to our society would be a big turn off. Even if you think you’re just being funny. You’re not.
Unsupportive of her man. A woman who expresses the desire to support her husband (should she have one) in his goals wouldn’t be seen as too independent. A simple: “I’d be excited to help my husband with his job however that looks like” would be good for men to hear. And it could look like a bunch of things – join him in working on a farm, learning about electrical stuff cause he’s an engineer, occasionally baking treats for the team that he manages, all kinds of things. So a woman who had that mentality, expressed it and thought about what that would mean would be a big step towards not being too independent. You’d want him to support you in your roles in life wouldn’t you?
Overfull schedule. “Too independent” women don’t have time for dating. Literally. Their calendar couldn’t find a free hour if the Pope wanted to pray with them. If you have something going on every night of the week, you’re too busy. You’re too busy in general and too busy to date someone. Maybe you know that you’d give up your Tuesday night cooking and Saturday night karate classes if you had a boyfriend, but no guy knows that. And even if he did know that, now he thinks he’s asking you to give up hobbies you really like. So, he thinks asking you out is an even bigger deal. Plus he’ll think: “Wow…her life is full. It doesn’t need me.” It doesn’t mean you have to sit home every night, but in life, you should have some margin. For your own sanity!
Not taking his name. This might come up in conversations even before you’re dating. Might not. Any woman who wouldn’t take her husband’s name definitely runs the risk of being seen as too independent. This might be a cultural thing, but most people I’ve run into take their husbands name when they get married. So, for a woman to intentionally decide not to take their husband’s name is an intentional decision to be separate from him. There might be cultures or groups where it’s really common not to take the husband’s name. In that case, this wouldn’t really apply.
Doesn’t accept help. Women who don’t accept help in any way is probably “too independent”. I’m not talking about needing and accepting a financial bailout package here. But any one who says “It’s my way or the highway” or “Only I can do it right” is too independent. My husband gave the example of holding open doors for women. If a woman won’t even let a gentleman hold the door open for them, it doesn’t communicate strength. Instead, it shouts: “I’m not only too independent, but I probably hate you.”
These are just some ways that I think a woman could come across as “too independent”…take them for what they’re worth!