When you get engaged, you find that no one wants to talk about weddings as much as you do – except for other brides.
When you get pregnant, you find out that no one wants to talk about babies as much as you do – except for other pregnant women.
So, when I found out I was pregnant with Phinehas, I joined a message board for women who were due the same month as I was. Most of them were due before me, so I got to read posts about things that I was going through or might be about to go through. It was encouraging to know that I’m not alone.
It’s a year later and our babies have been born. Now we don’t really talk about pregnancy, but about baby-things like sleeping and feeding and clothing and development milestones. But women also talk about non-baby things and one of the topics that came up recently is abortion. One woman posted that since her daughter was born, she’s even more pro-choice since she isn’t just fighting for her right to have an abortion, but also for her daughter’s.
It’s a position that I just can’t see. Since getting pregnant, having a child, I’m even more pro-life (if that’s possible) than I was before. It isn’t a collection of cells. It’s a baby. (If it wasn’t, then you wouldn’t be worried about it, would you? But I don’t want to get into pro-choice vs. pro-life here. Maybe some other time.) Let’s just say that a very charged conversation ensured on the message boards. Let’s also say that I didn’t respond well. I’m not proud of that.
My heart break at the posts made me realize that I wanted a community of women too much. That was another clue that I put too much stock into other people’s opinions. I felt betrayed. I felt that I had nothing in common with them. And they were strangers! I haven’t ever met a single one of them in my life. I know nothing about them other than their username and a small gravatar image. And yet, I felt such despair!
I’m finding that the older I get, the harder it is to find friends and community of people that are like minded. I’m not in high school and have a youth group to belong to. I don’t live in a dorm on a campus where there are hundreds of friend possibilities. I’m not in a church small group. It seems like nothing I’ve tried over the last couple of years has worked very well due to a few reasons. But truth be told, I haven’t tried super hard. I am going to attend a Women’s Bible Study in the fall – that should help.
It seems the older I get, the less people I have the possibility of becoming friends with AND the more issues there are that will divide us. It’s no longer a preference between kickball and soccer, people. We’re grown ups now.