The great divide

There exists a great divide, I once thought, is between marrieds and singles.

When single, I often vacillated between thinking that there was hardly any difference at all between single women and married women and thinking that there was a world of difference between the two groups.  Sometimes, I couldn’t even begin to relate to married women.  Other times, I saw their lives being so much like mind – they just had a husband and probably children and I didn’t.

Then I got married.  And then I believed that there was a HUGE difference between singleness and marriedness.  I believed that for a while.  And it’s true – the things that I was worried about and the way I structured my day were different from when I was single. When I was single, I didn’t meal plan.  I didn’t check my schedule against another’s all that often.  I spent my money as I wished.  I didn’t have a cleaning plan.  I didn’t even have a bedtime!  I got married and that changed.  I planned meals.  I developed a cleaning schedule.  My schedule was always checked against Jeff’s schedule and desires.  I had a set bedtime.  It seemed SOOO different.

Then I had a baby.  And a weird thing happened – instead of thinking of how even more different my life is now compared to when I was single, my life is starting to seem more the same.  Granted, my day-to-day life is radically different from when I was single – even more different from when I was just married, but no kids.  But I don’t see those outward things like activities as much as I used to.  I see the internal things more.

• When I was single, I desired to be married.  I never knew if or when I would.  Now? I desire more kids, but I don’t know if or when I will.
• When I was single, I wished I had more money to spend.  Now? I still wish I had more money to spend. 
• When I was single, I wanted to be friends with the cool kids.  Now? I still want to be friends with them.
• When I was single, I had moments of such loneliness.  Now? I still have moments like that at times.  Being married to someone doesn’t automatically make you not lonely.
• When I was single, I wanted everyone to think that I had it all together. Now?  I still want that.
• When I was single, I had moments where I felt forgotten by God.  Now?  I have moments where I feel forgotten by God.

Kids. Money.  Friends. Loneliness. I still have those same concerns, feelings and desires – but the nuances surrounding them is just slightly different.  If I had more money, I’d probably spend it differently than I would have when I was single.  My loneliness looks slightly different.  I still want to impress people – I now have marriage and parenting to add to the arenas in which I want to impress them.

Single Jayme and Married Jayme aren’t so different.

 

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