I am the despot of my oikos!
I’ve referred to this before, but I am the despot of my oikos. Say what!? It’s a phrase found in Titus 2:3-5 when the Bible says that women should be workers at home or home makers or home managers (depending on your translation). I’ve been thinking about this role a lot lately because I think how the role gets executed changes throughout the course of life.
- What it looked like when I was single is different than…
- It looks like now as a newly married woman, which is different than…
- It will look like with a new baby, which is different than…
- It will look like with more kids, which is different than…
- It will look like with an empty nest.
So the next couple of blog posts or more will be me “thinking out loud” on my thoughts surrounding being the despot of the oikos.
What’s being the despot mean in general?
In general, I take the Bible to mean 2 things:
1) That it’s women, not men, who are to be the ones to manage their homes. (Unless, you know he’s a single man who lives alone, then he’ll need to do it!)
2) That it isn’t really optional that women do it.
What is a home?
I haven’t found a definitive list of what the home encompasses. Is it:
- Just the physical structure of the place you live?
- The yard the house is on?
- All the items found in the home?
- Organizing the schedules of the people in the home?
- The cooking and cleaning that goes on in the home?
- The child rearing?
- The family budget?
To me, I define it as pretty much all of that – except for the child rearing. Child rearing is definitely done by mothers, but I believe child rearing to be the duty of both parents, not exclusively the wives and mothers. I don’t consider that as something a wife does because she’s the despot. For me, being the despot of my oikos means that I am responsible for:
- Cooking and cleaning
- Organizing the home
- Maintaining the home (yes, even yard work and snow removal and changing light bulbs and furnace filters and staining floors and installing trim)
- Our schedules
- The budget
That seems like a lot, doesn’t it? And maybe to some of you, that seems really boring. Maybe it seems like you’re a slave given a fancy name like ‘wife’. But it doesn’t have to be that way. It isn’t meant to be that way. I’ll explain more this week on what it does mean (to me). Your opinion might very be different from mine – and that’s okay!
I like your thoughts here, how does this role of the wife complement the role of the husband found in 1 Timothy 3:1-5, particularly in verse 4-5 where it talks about the husband keeping or managing his own house and the house of God? This passage is talking about those who would aspire to leadership in the church, but shouldn’t we all seek to be qualified for that?
Good question! I’ve written on that phrase on the qualification of elders before here – http://noregretsliving.wordpress.com/2010/09/21/what-women-should-look-for-part-5/.
I would say 2 things:
Point #1: I would say that men should manage their houses well in the areas that they are given responsibility for (as opposed to areas that they haven’t been given responsibility for). So the 2 things that are listed in that verse:
1) Being a good husband – if he has a wife AND
2) Being a good father – if he has children.
Point #2: His management is leadership management, not “doing stuff” management
(I don’t know a better word for “doing stuff”). Meaning: when Paul says that elders should manage well, I believe he means “leads” well or “rules” well or “shepherds” well. The same kind of leading/ruling/shepherding that this man will do in the church.
Maybe that’s why in the church there are deacons and there are elders. Elders are for leading/ruling/shepherding and deacons are for “doing stuff”, but not shepherding stuff. Maybe in that way, marriage is a parallel for church leadership.
Summary: I don’t believe the command to elders to manage his own household well means that he is the despot of the house. She still does that. He is to lead in the things he has been given responsibility for. And the way “he” manages his house is not the same kind of management that “she” has.
Thank you for the clarification! I always appreciate the thoughtfulness you put into your blogs!
I love being the “depost of my oikos”!