First year #3: Quick closeness

I’m amazed to find, in this first year of marriage, how comfortable you get with the other person.  I was also amazed to find out how quickly that happens.

Before marriage, you know that this person will be closer to you than anyone.  By the time you say “I Will (marry you!)”, this person has probably become really close to you. 

By the time you say “I Do”, they’re probably your best friend (or is pretty darn close to it!).  They certainly aren’t a stranger to you or a mere acquaintance. 

But there are still things you don’t know about him.  And there are still things you can’t quite imagine talking about.  Things you can only picture telling a MD and only if you’re in an Emergency Room.  Things you only tell God in your most desperate moment.  You know you’ll get there in your relationship someday.  You know you’ll eventually talk about those things, but you also know you aren’t there yet.

It’s amazing how quickly that comfortability happens.  It’s not instantaneous, but close to it.  I can’t tell you why it happens so quickly.  I have some theories that it isn’t any ONE thing, but several things:

A forever mindset.  Once you know that this is F-O-R-E-V-E-R, there’s a huge comfort in this.  A huge security that enables you to get comfortable quickly.  (I wrote about this yesterday.)

Pre-marriage counseling (at least ours) helps you get used to talking about things that are more serious and more personal.

Sharing money.  Even if you have enough, talking about money, sharing money, and executing one budget helps you talk about personal stuff. It also helps you identify your fears and talk about them.  Example: The “I’m afraid that we’re not saving enough” statement leads to a conversation about fears or about goals for the future.

Living together.  Living together exposes you to more of a person.  Little daily details.

Good listening and good talking.  If your partner is a good listener, you’re a long way towards becoming one quickly.  How likely would you be to share with your partner if you shared something really personal with him and he made fun of you?  I’ve been blessed with a great listener for a husband!

Sex.  (Sorry if that’s too much information, but there is something about the physical intimacy in a relationship that helps enable emotional intimacy as well.  And that’s all I got to say about that.)

Marriage was meant to be a oneness relationship, but you don’t get there overnight.  And you’re not supposed to get there before you’re married.  But I’m amazed at how quickly the process starts.  And I’ve only been married a year! 

Jeff making pancakes on a Saturday morning....a tradition of sorts for us

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